Well, it’s time. As we are about to embark on the 21-22 school year, it’s being met with a combination of enthusiasm, concern, and trepidation.
Almost every parent can acknowledge feeling some stress over back-to school decisions. Across the country, school districts are requiring parents to work out schedules using a mixture of on-site classes, remote learning, and homeschool programs. These different learning modalities add a layer of complexity that is complicated on its own, but can you imagine being divorced or a separated parent raising children in separate households? What a challenge.
Unfortunately, co-parenting plans devised prior to COVID may not be sufficient to address intricacies of safety that are presented with COVID. Suffice it to say: As long as the COVID virus remains an issue, parents living apart must update their parenting plans to keep their children safe while also meeting their health, academic, socialization and athletic needs as well as possible.
This checklist gives a starting point for discussion about concerns and planning for the upcoming school year. These issues are not exhaustive, but are simply meant to help guide your thinking and discussions on the topic.
Parenting Plans and Education Considerations for Co-parents During COVID
Figuring out what’s best for the kids is most important in a parenting plan—but what about if the parents disagree about COVID precautions and safeguards?
If both parents don’t feel comfortable or can’t reach a compromise, it’s wise to reach out to a mediator in the case of separated parents. Having an objective party can greatly help this process. But if that’s not possible and the parents are under the same roof, these conversations must feature compromise as the key to resolution of differences.
Struggling figuring out where to start? Parenting plans should cover the day to day responsibilities of each parent, considerations of the children’s daily life, and how parents are to agree and consult on important long-term issues. Even if the school provides online access to teachers and materials, most children cannot successfully complete schoolwork online without the accountability and support parental involvement provides.
The most supportive home or virtual schooling environments for learning support a family approach to learning and define the following:
- When and where will the children learn? What will the learning schedule be?
- Who will teach the children? What curriculum will be used?
- Who will supervise their learning and how will educational attainment and their learning be assessed?
- When there are additional educational materials needed (e.g. DVDs, online classes, books, virtual tutors, etc.) which parent will be fiscally responsible for covering the cost of these materials? Who will coordinate and pay for online classes or tutors if needed?
Other things to consider? Educational goals can become even more complicated if the child moves back-and-forth between two homes. Having a plan detailing the school year by topic with supplies, books and activities spelled out and agreed upon will make this transition between homes smoother.
Adding more structure to the daily academic routine will help everyone:
- When, where, and how will the kids go and get to school?
- Who will supervise the child’s learning when not at school? How will the balance of supervision be handled?
- What considerations should be communicated to the child’s school? Who will be in charge of the communication?
- Will new child-care options need to be considered?
- Are both parents considered to be part of the child’s “pod” (e.g. COVID-free pod)?
Other COVID Considerations for co-parents:
COVID presents special scheduling, visitation, health, and financial challenges. These issues could potentially mean that child support and visitation schedules may need to be modified and/or re-evaluated to ensure that they meet the needs of the children. A divorce agreement itself might even need to be re-negotiated to include COVID-related issues, like quarantining and the use of masks for personal safety.
Asking these questions could be a good starting place for further conversation and possible modification:
- Will evening / meal sharing need to change given the new flexible (or inflexible) school schedule?
- What are each household’s standards for the use of protective equipment like masks, or associating with others outside the immediate two households?
- How will vacations and holidays be spent? Are there special considerations for grandparents and extended family who may be especially subject to COVID?
- How will communication with the child be handled while he/she is at the other parent’s home?
- Planning for potential lockdown: If the pandemic flares again and a region is required to “shelter in place,” or if one or more family members is required to quarantine, how should this be handled?
- Health care: Who will accompany the child to the doctor if necessary?
Good Communication is the Path to Providing Great Childcare – Especially in COVID
As hard as it is to grasp, no matter how well parents plan for the future, they simply cannot anticipate every contingency. Even the most cooperative parents will not always agree, so it’s important to have a plan in place for resolving future disputes. Should that time arise, parents should consider deciding upon a mediator they can use whenever a serious conflict arises and as with any parenting issue, the focus must be on the best interest of the child. It’s also important to structure discussions between the adults that let each parent feel able to express their opinion and be heard.
The best way forward with all this? No matter the conflict, remember that the whole world is going through this thing together. We’re all inconvenienced, and none of us know when it’s going to really, truly go back to normal. That kind of constant, low-key anxiety is enough to make any person edgy, let alone separated parents trying to assure their child’s safety.
Try to meet your challenges with a soft kindness – if your ex snaps at you, remember that they’re also frustrated, perhaps by things you aren’t aware of. If your child lashes out? They’re in the middle of a world-changing event, too, and they can absolutely sense the environment of concern around them.
Talk, ask, comfort, communicate; we’ll get through this. And if you need extra help – give us a call.
