One common complaint I hear from my clients is how busy everyone is and how they don’t often feel unified or connected to their family. If children don’t feel their families are something special and important to be a part of, they will find other groups where they feel included and wanted. Of particular noteworthiness is the increase in behavior issues that occur in children when they do not feel connected to their parents and caregivers.
We are all exhausted and the list of to-do’s seems to be never ending— how can family unity be fostered despite these obstacles? Here are five steps to consider when building family unity.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Effective communication necessitates more listening than talking, more concentration than jumping to hasty conclusions, more clarification than condemnation. Try to consider the other person’s perspective.
When you are listening, don’t think about what response you are going to give. In order to hear what our family members are saying we must let down our defenses and open our ears. Ask yourself why your spouse or child feels the way he or she does. Listen with your heart and speak with honesty and humility. Reflecting what you heard from their words will allow an opportunity for clarification of any misunderstandings. Listening is one of the most powerful ways you can show you care about the other person. Children especially need to know they are important and active listening can be a part of conveying this importance.
Establish a family culture
Creation of a family culture occurs every day. Regular family dinner; a routine for waking up, saying goodbye, going to bed, family prayer– being purposeful about these smaller, more frequent traditions makes these actions a priority and a meaningful part of your family. All these activities will provide positive interactions between you and your children and become the fabric of your family.
Home environment is another aspect of family culture. Walk through your home and ask yourself- what message is this room giving to my children? My spouse? Others who might come into your home? What can be learned or reinforced just by just looking around? Make sure what is seen is the message you want to be received.
Family traditions are also a part of family culture. It’s important to be deliberate (as opposed to sporadic) about traditions. It matters less about how many traditions you have and more about the consistency of the tradition. Children will begin to notice traditions and look forward to them. Children feel safe and secure knowing that they are a part of something important and fun and that traditions and activities will be the same week to week, year to year.
Compassion & Compromise
Compassion in the home means to develop a genuinely caring and considerate heart — one that sympathizes and empathizes with our various struggles, fears and difficulties. Compassion is an action verb– we must demonstrate mercy and kindness to each other and show patience, understanding and forgiving.
A healthy family is most often characterized by compromise with give and take. Remember, parents are the leaders in your home and children will follow your example. Show patience and self-discipline. Speak kindly and communicate fairly. Apologize and make amends when you make mistakes and these actions will become family values.
Consistency is key
Maintain a consistent schedule that is realistic for your family. For example, serving dinner at the same time each evening and having established bedtimes (especially for younger children) allows parents and kids to both know expectations.
The most effective families function as a team where all do their part. Share household responsibilities. Assign specific chores. Establish routines and house rules. In order for children to learn teamwork and togetherness, their parents must first learn to function as a unified team. If you present a unified front when proposing family expectation to your children you are more likely to get a positive reaction.
Have fun together.
Schedule time to relax together as well as weekly meetings as a couple and family to go over schedules, finances, parenting, and other concerns. Remember you are the heart of the family and nurturing your relationship is a vital part of unity. Happy parents make happy children!
At least once a month make an effort to go on a family outing or have a family activity. These outings or activities can be inexpensive and simple. Having fun together as a family reinforces to your children that teamwork also means playing together.
Remember: a family that works together and plays together — stays together.
Next steps
As you work together to build family unity, understand that this process takes time and patience. On the other hand, don’t ignore serious issues. Identify these challenges and look for solutions. Talk with your doctor, teachers, or other trusted professionals and seek out resources in your community.
For more ideas to help your family and to schedule an appointment, please call the experts at Body & Mind Consulting Associates Group at 615-310-1491.
