How to remove obstacles blocking you from reaching your goals
Often a list of New Year’s Resolutions is long and can be anxiety provoking. After the busy holidays, post-holiday let down, the frustration of an unused gym membership or other reminders of failed resolutions can make winter months feel hopeless. It’s important to remember that the New Year is a time for people to reflect on the past year and commit to make positive lifestyle changes—not to serve as a catalyst for sweeping character changes. By making your resolutions realistic, there is a greater chance that you will keep them throughout the year and incorporate healthy behaviors into your everyday life.
By February we often see clients that have made resolutions but have either: 1. not begun the work for the resolution to come to fruition or new behavior to become part of their life, or 2. started efforts and have already given up. Take the person who resolved to exercise—then on the first or second workout overexerted, became sore and fatigued, and then asserted that physical activity “didn’t work for them.” “Setting small, attainable goals throughout the year, instead of a singular, overwhelming goal on January 1 can help you reach whatever it is you strive for,” says psychologist Lynn Bufka, PhD. “Remember, it is not the extent of the change that matters, but rather the act of recognizing that lifestyle change is important and working toward it, one step at a time.”1
So, instead of viewing resolutions as an opportunity for personal “overhaul” of every behavior or part of you that you dislike—think of them, instead, as personal “evolution” steps that will lead to sustainable life changes. Changes—whether small or large- are a process that takes time, support, and patience with self and others. Once you’re ready to make a change, the difficult part is committing and following through. Here are some ways that, instead of feeling frustrated with the lack progress on resolutions you made January 1, can “set yourself up for success” and realize a sustainable personal “evolution”:
Believe.
Believe it can be done and surround yourself with people who are supportive of your goals. We have often seen family, friends or important significant others who actual derail a person’s progress or efforts to change with negative statements such as “you know that you cannot do “x” because you have tried to do “x” so many times before” or by calling to remembrance all the times that past efforts have not been successful.
Optimistic but Realistic.
Be optimistic that you can make changes but also realistic with the changes you want to make. The best resolutions are specific, realistic and measurable. Using an acronym often used in business goal setting, SMART, which stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-sensitive, to evaluate and set your goals can assist you to decide upon changes to make that are actually attainable.2
Make preparation- but don’t get stuck in the weeds.
Start to practice the new behavior- you cannot just wake up one morning and all the behaviors that you have engaged in over a lifetime be instantly “gone” because you assert they should be. So if the goal were, say, to eat less or reduce drinking, what behavior will replace it? At this “preparation” stage arranging for a support system and make a public declaration is also very helpful to reaching your goals. Much like planning for a long journey– a fair amount of planning must take place to reach the journey’s destination.
Rearrange your environment and surround yourself with things to remind you of the new behavior you are trying to implement and taking things out that trigger the problem. For example, ridding the house of alcohol and not keeping any around “just in case someone might come over” and putting sticky notes around the house to motivate yourself can make your environment more conducive to making the changes you want. One study over 30 years of research has found that that these types of strategies are the least frequently used but are most often the most successful in helping someone meet their goals.3
Action, not reaction.
Research has shown that it’s not insufficient willpower that leads to people not reaching their goals but rather a series of learned skills that distinguishes people who are successful in reaching their resolution from unsuccessful ones.4 Come up with healthier or more positive alternative behaviors to the ones you are trying to change. Reward successes—and don’t reward failures. If you are not on track with the behaviors you need to do to meet your resolution (e.g. losing weight) then withdraw a “reward” that might be associated with losing weight (e.g. not watch a favorite TV show). Reward yourself when the behavior is on track and withdraw that reinforcement when it is off. The rewards can be anything: reading, playing with the dogs, getting a foot massage. It doesn’t have to be expensive.
Persevere and don’t beat yourself up.
There will be obstacles and slips. Remember that minor missteps when reaching your goals are completely normal and OK. It’s an erroneous belief that slips lead inevitably into falls.5 Don’t give up completely because you ate a brownie and broke your diet, or skipped the gym for a week because you were busy. Everyone has ups and downs; resolve to recover from your mistakes and get back on track.6 Analyzing what led up to the slip can help to decrease the chance of occurring again.
Ask for support
Accepting help from those who care about you and will listen help to manage stress caused by the new changes you are making. If you feel overwhelmed or unable to meet your goals on your own, consider seeking help from someone that has helped others be successful on their journey for life change. Psychologists are uniquely trained to understand the connection between the mind and body. They can offer strategies as to how to adjust your goals so that they are attainable, as well as help you change unhealthy behaviors and address barriers that might be standing in the way of your goals.
1 Making your New Year’s resolution stick; American Psychological Association, http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/resolution.aspx, accessed 1/5/13
2 Szalavitz, Maria How to Make New Year’s Resolutions Stick: Q&A with an Expert on Change: http://healthland.time.com/2012/12/28/how-to-make-new-years-resolutions-stick-qa-with-expert-on-change/#ixzz2HdiN1qnX. Time, Dec 28, 2012. Accessed 1/6/13.
3 Ibid
4 http://www.forbes.com/sites/financialfinesse/2013/01/03/5-ways-to-make-your-new-years-resolutions-stick/; accessed 1/11/13.
5 Szalavitz, Maria How to Make New Year’s Resolutions Stick: Q&A with an Expert on Change:
http://healthland.time.com/2012/12/28/how-to-make-new-years-resolutions-stick-qa-with-expert-on-change/#ixzz2HdiN1qnX. Time, Dec 28, 2012. Accessed 1/6/13.
6 American Psychological Association: Making lifestyle changes that last. http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/lifestyle-changes.aspx, Making lifestyle changes that last. Accessed 1/3/13.
